Spoilers for this episode below:

Things that happened

Welcome back to the Harriet Dinner, where the drinks are flowing and romances abound. Quick update: everyone looks pretty and is in love with someone else. Kim is drunkedy-drunkedy-drunk. She passes out, and Simon, Tom and Jack get her back to Tom’s dressing room, where they can all get yelled at by her dad. Matt and Harriet fight at the dinner. Matt is so upset he screws up her introduction. And the joke! Imagine! A comedy writer unable to tell a joke! He must be Harriet’s soul mate, because she can’t tell any jokes either. In his defense, they fought pretty badly. I think we are supposed to expect they will never get back together again ever, but since Aaron Sorkin has decided to turn Studio 60 into a Harlequin Romance adaptation, I am expecting the exact opposite. Why? The answer is on the roof! With Danny and Jordan! Chit-chatting and schemes to get off the roof ensue. Jordan does magic and Danny claims he is a super upstanding guy. They finally get off the roof, and you want to think this pseudo relationship is over, she wasn’t interested, we are moving on — gracefully. But oh no! Remember the magic? She left him a note that said “I’m crazy about you!” and then they spent the last ten minutes of the episode making out. Meanwhile, over on the stage, Cal and the animal trainer are sending a coyote under the stage after the ferret, which is in there after the snake. The Animal Humane Society finds out and Cal is in DEEP TROUBLE. He needs to fix it ASAP, so he agrees to smash the stage in and tells everyone involved it has to do with toxic mould. Darius and Simon make up in a very contrived and cliché way. Tom and Lucy make up in a very contrived yet adorable way, making this the only romance worth watching on this show. So all those questions I had last week were answered, but instead of toasting Sorkin, I want to kick him. Hard. Where it hurts the most.

Things that were good

• Cal. He took an awkwardly contrived and annoying plotline and made it the most enjoyable part of this episode (which really isn’t saying much). Best line: “and when we catch those animals I am going to BOIL THEM and EAT THEM!”
• When Jack and Mr. Tao were in Tom’s dressing room and Mr. Tao revealed that he can speak English, he just refuses to do so because “it’s fun.”
• The two-second glimpse of Tom an Jack drinking together at the very end. Aww, they put aside their differences as an uber-important executive and a young, meaningless comedian to share in the joy that is Kim’s craziness leaving forever.

Things that were not so good

• Everything, everything, everything else.

Worth watching if….

You don’t believe Aaron Sorkin could suck this much. I’m sorry I’ve been filling you with false hope fuelled by my optimistic ‘it’ll get better!’ tirades at the end of every recap. This episode proved it probably won’t.

In Five Words

Not even worth five words.