Matt’s Totally 100% Accurate Oscar Picks for the Calendar Year 2006

Comments (29) to “Matt’s Oscar Picks: Down to the Wire”

1. Ian wrote:

   I thought Children of Men should have been there too.(Best picture)

   Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 3:02 pm | Permalink

2. Jack wrote:

   This year was Eh for films and yeah, Half Nelson should be up there. Children of Men would have been the best film of the year if it actually had a story and not just a backstory. Awesome everything else though.

   I still think Eastwood will walk with best director, even though Scorsese won the DGA award and the DGA is basically the Academy. I just want to get people thinking.

   This will be yet another stupid year where the Academy gives token awards to mainstream indie films, like independent filmmaking needs some token bullshit nods. Call me cynical (and jealous, obviously), but any movie you can get Greg Kinnear and Steve Carrell has enough of a budget that it’s not really indie. That is, not indie enough to need to get an award that will basically ensure the filmmaker that they’ll have funding for their next two films.

   Remember Primer? It won Sundance and it was pretty good. But did it win any Oscars? No. Have we heard anything about the director since? Nope. Sort-of same with Richard Kelly, director of Donnie Darko, who’s been working on his follow-up for forever.

   To avoid an upcoming rant, I will now play DK64.

   Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 4:35 pm | Permalink

3. matt wrote:

   Someone, and I forget who, compared Little Miss Sunshine to a 90-minute version of Blind Melon’s video for “No Rain” topped off with just about every indie movie cliché in the indie movie cliché handbook. That was dead on.

   I’m clearly backlashing, because I didn’t really hate the film. I just think people love it more than they should. If people wanted dysfunctional family indie movies, why not watch Junebug? It was better.

   I’m still not sure what my favourite film of 2006 was (hence there being no list), but it’s either Half Nelson or Children of Men. Half Nelson has the story, but Children of Men has, well, awesome on its side. It was awesome.

   I’ll try to sort all that out this week!

   Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 7:30 pm | Permalink

4. matt wrote:

   Oh man. This is boring. They spent about a half hour on sound alone. And while I appreciate sound (it lets me hear things!) the editing and mixing of it is catastrophically dull. In fact, I’m going to make a claim that many might find offensive: sound editing and sound mixing are the same thing. Go ahead — just try and prove me wrong.

   Alan Arkin has won Best Supporting Actor. It is a surprise and perhaps a bad omen for a night where Little Miss Sunshine wins everything.

   Arkin does not seem overly thrilled. I like it better when the winners are excited.

   Neither Erin or I picked him, so we are both losers! At 9:26 p.m. EST the score is 0-0.

   And oh goddammit it’s another musical montage of some kind.

   Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 9:26 pm | Permalink

5. erin wrote:

   Matt’s right. If Little Miss Sunshine gets anymore love, I’m quitting and going back to making my Amazing Race recap hilarious and entertaining.

   Also, they are pretending the Oscars are environmentally friendly. As if this awards ceremony couldn’t get any more self-congratulatory. I want pretty gowns , bad jokes and frivolous speeches! Not life lessons and lectures!

   However, Al Gore is more hilarious each time I see him.

   Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

6. matt wrote:

   I hate the Best Animated Feature category so much. There’s no reason it needs to even exist, and I like animated features. And also they keep doing this ridiculous thing where they have the animated character show up in the audience and everyone has to pretend it’s funny. And, Jesus Christ, there are like 40 animated features released every year — why do they only ever nominate three of them?

   And Happy Feet just won. Man, neither of us picked that one either. I guess people really love penguins. The director looks like he is wearing a towel around his neck.

   After two awards, at 9:46 p.m., the score is still 0-0.

   Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 9:46 pm | Permalink

7. erin wrote:

   Tom Hanks head is getting increasingly square. Helen Mirren looks amazing.

   But I should not be commenting on what the presenters look like. Oh no, it’s Best Adapted Screenplay Time.

   After reading bizarre, dialogue-free excerpts, The Departed gets it.

   Matt’s rubbing it in my face right now.

   Pfft, like I know anything about the Oscars. I’m demanding a handicap system next year.

   Matt 1 Erin 0

   Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

8. matt wrote:

   I think they’re going to do Best Foreign Film! Why else would Ken Watanabe be talking? (Remember when he was in Batman Begins?)

   It’s going to be Pan’s Labyrinth. I don’t even know wha –

   Oh wait. It’s another montage. This one of… films in various languages, I think? Is that really something to celebrate? “Visual Storytelling has not been COMPLETELY dominated by one language! Only significantly so!”

   I’ll report back later when Pan’s Labyrinth actually wins.

   Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 10:26 pm | Permalink

9. erin wrote:

   Aww, I love when awkward non-actors attempt to make jokes in their speeches.

   Also, that previous montage was unnecessarily long. I think they showed every foreign film ever.

   Best Foreign Film time! It’s so Pan’s Labyrinth.

   Um, it’s not. What the fuck?!

   Germany’s Lives of Others won.

   1-0.

   This is one strange awards show.

   Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 10:31 pm | Permalink

10. matt wrote:

    Oh man. George Clooney. He will save this show from itself.

    Best Supporting Actress. At this rate, it’s NOT going to be Jennifer Hudson. It’s going to be… the Mexican Nanny from Babel. Or some other weird shit like Cate Blanchett. This show doesn’t make any sense anyway.

    Seriously. Ellen was just making shadow puppets on stage. And Snakes on a Plane jokes.

    And Hudson wins! There IS rhyme and reason behind these awards. Both Erin and I picked her, so now it’s 2-1 for me.

    She sure is crying a lot, though.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 10:36 pm | Permalink

11. erin wrote:

    Why do they cut off the visual guys in ten seconds with insanely harsh music but let Jennifer Hudson babble incoherently for far too long, then ease her into leaving with dainty music?

    Sometimes I hate the Academy.

    Documentary time! That guy’s glasses are just fucking weird. But they left and someone far more important entered- Jerry Seinfeld! If anyone knows anything about documentary films, it’s the star of Seinfeld.

    That Jesus techno makes me want to go to Jesus camp.

    And Al Gore wins! The Academy is slowly righting itself. Al is proving it’s far more fulfilling to be a celebrity than a politician.

    3-2.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 10:49 pm | Permalink

12. matt wrote:

    I like Seinfeld. Here’s a guy who stands up in front of a billion people worldwide and sees an opportunity to try out some of his new stand-up routines. It’s gotta be nice to be so rich that you just don’t care that much anymore.

    Clint Eastwood shows his age on stage, forgetting for a moment where he is and then confusing words with other words. That he still makes lucid films is incredibly impressive. You’d expect them to all be about the search for his slippers and getting kids off his lawn at this point.

    Now it’s the tribute Oscar. This year, it goes to: Some guy! I’d know who if Clint hadn’t messed up the intro. He appears to be a composer of some kind. He seems very adept at waving his baton and gesturing with his hands, probably the two key abilities necessary to be a successful composer.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 10:54 pm | Permalink

13. erin wrote:

    Celine Dion at the Oscars is ridiculous and unnecessary.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 10:56 pm | Permalink

14. erin wrote:

    Oh man, he’s not even speaking English.

    And Clint Eastwood, the man who bumbled the English introduction, is translating.

    This might be the best acceptance speech ever.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:00 pm | Permalink

15. matt wrote:

    This is fantastic. The winner of the honorary Oscar, who is clearly an Italian Composer of some kind, apparently speaks no English, and is doing his Acceptance Speech in Italian. Clint is translating, but looks like a deer in headlights, and I’m reasonably sure he is just making shit up.

    Probably the Highlight of the Night right here.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:05 pm | Permalink

16. erin wrote:

    Whoo hoo, the score!

    Why Matt and I predicted this category is anyone’s guess.

    Babel! We BOTH got it right.

    How?

    4-3!

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:08 pm | Permalink

17. Jeff wrote:

    You guys have seriously never heard of Ennio Morricone?

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:09 pm | Permalink

18. matt wrote:

    Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst are out to present Best Original Screenplay because, sure, what the hell. Spider-Man 2 was in many ways a metaphor for the writer’s struggle.

    Erin picked The Queen. I picked Little Miss Sunshine. I am darkness and she is light.

    The winner is Little Miss Sunshine. This is perhaps the worst night in recent memory. A dysfunctional family! On a road trip! With wacky quirks! Where did he come up with this stuff?

    Still, another point for me. It’s 5-3 for Matt at 11:15 p.m. But we’ve still got a long way to go.

    (During his acceptance speech, the winner admits the story was inspired by the time when he was a child and he and his family took a trip in a VW Bus with a broken clutch. Which I think should disqualify him from this Original Screenplay category.)

    And here come more shadow puppets.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:16 pm | Permalink

19. erin wrote:

    We’ve HEARD of him, we just didn’t know what he looked like!

    His Oscar made me happy!

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:18 pm | Permalink

20. luke wrote:

    i hate to interrupt the flow you’ve got going here but since jeff already did, i will too. just to agree with everything matt said about little miss sunshine, except also to add that i hope i never see another dysfunctional family indie movie again. sometimes i feel like these are all i ever watch and wow is it tiring. two minutes into ‘little miss sunshine’ i was just like “oh god another one what am i doing here” and although there were a couple of funny parts, it did not improve from there.

    i get along with my parents.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:20 pm | Permalink

21. erin wrote:

    We forgive you Luke. This time. But in future years, when we are busy and important writing far more popular and far more entertaining Oscar recaps, and forget about all our loyal readers, you will pay.

    (That was a lie. We will never be more witty than we are now.)

    Beyonce and Jennifer Hudson are singing all the nominated songs from Dreamgirls! Man, “Patience” is so much catchier than the others. They even got a choir! If it doesn’t win, that’s a lot of effort for nothing.

    John Travolta’s head is also getting increasingly square.

    Winner: “I Need to Wake Up” by Melissa Etheridge.

    I guess all the Dreamgirls nominations split the vote. Poor Henry whats-his-face. A three time loser in one night.

    5-3.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:30 pm | Permalink

22. matt wrote:

    They’re promoing Little Miss Sunshine now. Did they really have to get Steve Carell to do the voiceover? There’s no way to take him seriously. I keep expecting him to inadvertently make a gay joke or whatever.

    And now they’re doing… a tribute to Michael Mann? Seriously? Wait, now there are clips of Talledega Nights and Superman Returns. This makes even less sense than “Oscar Winner Melissa Etheridge.”

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:39 pm | Permalink

23. matt wrote:

    One of my favourite parts of the evening! The death list! Where everyone applauds at varying levels, depending on how much they liked the person!

    Will it to be Robert Altman with the loudest cheers? He’d be the obvious odds on favourite, but we’ll see. This IS a night of surprises!

    Don Knotts does pretty well — even better than Red Buttons and he stomps all over the dad from A Christmas Story — but he’s got nothing on Peter Boyle. The crowd loves him! And Jack Palance, of course. He did one-handed push-ups. But it’s Altman who ends things, and so he wins, as the crowd goes wild.

    Two years of Academy honours in a row for Altman, last year’s Tribute Oscar winner. Too bad he can’t really three-peat. That’d be really impressive.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:49 pm | Permalink

24. erin wrote:

    We are in for a very long show. At least Ellen admits it. Why isn’t the Academy better at ending this on time? Maybe if they didn’t have so many self-important montages, it could happen.

    Wow, Phillip Seymour Hoffman looks strange.

    Best Actress. Oh, this should be a big surprise. But, I will take a moment and say wow to all the women nominated. It was a really strong category this year.

    Oscar: Helen Mirren.

    Is anyone shocked? Anyone?

    6-4. Man, next year I’m calling dibs on who I predict.

    Congratulations, Helen.

    Posted on 25-Feb-07 at 11:54 pm | Permalink

25. matt wrote:

    Forst Whitaker won! And I got another point. I don’t really get his acceptance speech. Apparently his performance in this film was of such importance that it was comparable to a space shuttle launch in the 1960s or something. Dude, no one even saw that movie — we just liked you on The Shield.

    Still, though. Another point for me, and not another point for Erin (who picked Leo). 7-4 and I think my victory is assured.

    Posted on 26-Feb-07 at 12:12 am | Permalink

26. erin wrote:

    Oh, big time movie directors. They can be so hilarious.

    On the other hand, it is nice to see the awards presenters be actually relevant to the category.

    Winner: Scorsese!

    Finally!

    Why is Jack Nicholson bald? I need this explained to me.

    Scorsese is overwhelmed, hilarious, talks reaaallly fast, and has very large eyebrows.

    On a personal note, I am getting my ass kicked.

    Posted on 26-Feb-07 at 12:13 am | Permalink

27. Ian wrote:

    That’s why I’m just reading the results here instead of actually watching it, doesn’t sound like I’m missing much.

    Posted on 26-Feb-07 at 12:16 am | Permalink

28. matt wrote:

    They are SPEEDING through this show now. It is at a ridiculous pace.

    Now is the time where Little Miss Sunshine wins and I lose all hope. Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton are on stage presenting Best Picture.

    Oh wait. It’s The Departed! I have hope again! It’s kind of unsettling that Jack Nicholson announced the award for a movie he was in, but still — I am glad we can end the night with some happiness and light.

    It is inspiring and a victory for morals and good standards that the movie about the blood-drenched streets of Boston beat the quirky “indie” film about a family on a road trip.

    Unfortunately, neither Erin or I picked it to win, so we close the night at 7-4. That’s out of 13 picks we made. We kind of suck at this, apparently!

    Posted on 26-Feb-07 at 12:16 am | Permalink

29. erin wrote:

    Next year will be better. I will study rigorously and go to the movies with a notepad in hand, and read Entertainment Weekly religiously.

    And I will win.

    Posted on 26-Feb-07 at 12:18 am | Permalink

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