“Half-Wit” spoilers below:

Things that Happened

Dave Matthews is playing a musical savant, who became handicapped during an accident when he was little. During an important concert, Dave’s fingers go double-jointed crazy and he ends up in Princeton-Plainsboro. House doesn’t care about the finger thing, but rather that Dave was normal, had an accident, and suddenly could play the piano superfantastically! It is slightly odd, but since it’s 5am, his followers don’t really care. House makes them preform an MRI anyways, but for some reason, he is there and Cameron and Chase are not.

Since Cameron and Chase have nothing to do, Cameron opens House’s mail, which is a federal offense by the way, and finds out House is going to Boston for the weekend. This bothers her, because House is apparently not allowed to take a vacation without Cameron’s consent. Chase and Cameron break into House’s home, make jokes about how awesome they are in bed. When they still aren’t satisfied, they tattle on him to Cuddy! House, give these kids something to do! I know Foreman is awesome, but do you really want them doing things like giving Cuddy your phone bills? Cuddy gets in on the detective game, too, and decides House has brain cancer. (A doctor at another hospital semi-confirms House’s patient status, so she’s not completely stretching). It turns out she is right, and everyone finds out. Man, the gossip at this hospital is worse than the old ladies who went to my church when I was little.

Cameron makes out with House and this makes me want to die, but wait! She isn’t doing it because she has an unexplainable attraction to the terminally ill, but because she wants House’s blood. More detecting and avoiding Dave, leaves House to do everything himself. After more dangerous and risky tests, House figures out that if we take out half of Dave’s brain, he’ll be normal again! But never play the piano again. This is like a bad medical joke.

As for House, his followers figured out he doesn’t have cancer, just something minor that looks like cancer. But no, that’s another patient! House faked cancer to get drugs!

Things that were good

• Dave Matthews was adorable as the adult-child savant. He had this level of innocence that, I think, is very difficult to pull off. Unless you are Tom Hanks in Big.
• House playing the piano with Dave. Hugh Laurie is so damn talented. It’s scenes like this, though, when you forgive House for being an asshole. It also makes you wonder why he can only connect with with mentally ill patients. And dwarfs.
• Dave’s dad (Red Foreman!!!) was so patient with him and so sad. I almost wanted to cry.
• House’s fake patient name being “Luke N. Laura.” Did anyone else get that sly reference to House’s General Hospital obsession, or am I the only one that lame?
• Chase hugging House. “I’m sorry you are dying. I’m going to hug you.” Why can’t Cameron be that direct with House?
• The look on Chase’s face when Foreman said “You should be making out with Cameron” to House. Poor Chase. This is going to explode in his face.

Things that were not so good

• Cameron and House making out for that long. I know it’s supposed to represent something deeper, and is perhaps a prelude to yet another Cameron-loves-House story arc, but still. That entire scene was awkward.
• Yes, House is dying and this is sad, but two things: 1) he didn’t want you to know, Cameron, Chase and Foreman! Respect that! And 2) Do your job! The fact House treated this patient almost completely by himself — while he is dying! — shows me your presence at this hospital is completely unnecessary.
• House faking cancer! This is pretty low, even for House.

Worth Watching If…..

…You want to watch a really interesting medical case with great guest stars. Dave and his dad were amazing and touching and complicated and — most importantly — not at all annoying! Normally, these patients annoy the hell out of me, to the point I wonder if House is wearing off on me. The faking cancer bit was an interesting twist, but it drove me insane how everyone at the hospital neglected the patient to find out House’s business. Yes, it was terrible business, but still.

In Five Words

Faking Cancer Isn’t Very Nice!

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