“The Girl Who Takes Credit” spoilers below:

Things that happened

This episode opens with Natasha having weird, cat-sound involving phone sex with her husband. Whitney used her Ivy- league education to deduce that Natasha is a mail order bride. Well, I’m glad her parents $40,000 a year is being put to good use here. However it sounds like Natasha’s husband put a baby on the phone, but I’m not sure. If so, then there are TWO moms this cycle? Why isn’t Tyra touting that instead of TWO fat girls?

The ‘lesson’ of this week is how to dress. They meet the director of Elite Model Management and a freakishly tall model give them (horrendous) outfits then asked them why they liked them. When they all went through that, it was a joke on them! Ha! That’s what you get for sucking up! The manager and the model made them change separates, and while their outfits still looks bizarre, apparently they were better.

Back at the house, Renee is all ‘plus sized girls will never be on the cover of Vogue’ and seriously pissed of Whitney and Diana. While, Renee shouldn’t be all righteous and say ‘as much as I want it to happen’– because, if she seriously believed that, she’d be eating Dunkin’ Donuts by the truckload— I agree with her. At least Whitney and Diana shouldn’t be on the cover. They are terrible, terrible models.

The next day, it is challenge time, and the girls get to put their newly learned skills to work! Some male models play on the ‘all models are idiots’ stereotype and pretend to be mannequins and totally fake out Renee. The girls are divided into three groups, where they have to create a SEARS window display which includes them. Sarah, Renee and Dionne are paired together and Dionne is not happy in a way that is delightful! Dionne puts together their outfits while Renee and Sarah make the display. Brittany, Jaslene and Diana are together, and they just suck. I blame Diana. Whitney, Natasha and Jael are together, and they rock it, but since Whitney refuses to listen to Natasha—who pays attention– they get disqualified. Take that, Whitney! The judges are all like “Aww, Whitney, you coulda won, too bad for you” then award Sarah the victory!

Dionne is pissed because Sarah had nothing to do with her own outfit at all and Sarah takes all the credit. In confessional, Renee tries to take the credit too. Good try Renee. The prize is two takes at the photo shoot the next day, which is actually a useful prize.

At the photo shoot, Jay pulls an evil ‘pick an outfit! Nah, you suck! Let’s dress you up like men instead!’ trick on them. Each girl is given a male character. They are one half of a couple in which a drag queen will play their girlfriends. Some of the girls are awkward, some are dull, and some—Natasha, mainly—rock it! Natasha was a hip-hopper and she makes foil for her teeth and learns the dialect and the slang and everything. Pure Rapper’s Delight! (I am so lame.)

Diana really sucks and Jay calls her on it and demands to know why she wants to be America’s Next Top Model. Since Diana is so articulate (remember: “Oh, I don’t know”?) she gives another priceless answer: “Oh, just ‘cause.” If you haven’t figured out Diana is doomed yet, you probably are as bright as Whitney or Natasha.

At panel, Tyra has abandoned her pirate look for a catholic-school girl outfit. It’s not great, but it is an improvement. None of the girls’ photos are great—with the exception of Jaslene because she looks like a boy all the freaking time– and a few truly suck: Jael’s, Whitney’s and Diana’s. Natasha’s is her best yet, as is Dionne’s, and everyone else’s is pretty forgettable. It comes down to—drumroll please!—Diana and Whitney! But Tyra decides to keep Whitney, either because she’s the most likely to punch Renee or because she’s black and educated, which is how Tyra views herself.

Next week: Jael gets thrown in a pool! And the girls get to hang with pseudo-celebrities!

Things that were good

• Dionne bringing it! The more screen time she gets, the more hilarious she is. I’m glad she stepped it up, so we can get more of her hilarious commentary next week!
• Natasha is trying so hard and its so adorable. At first, she drove me bananas, but now, her energy and enthusiasm is rubbing off on me. She loves this, and loves modeling, and– bonus!– she is entertaining!
• Diana going home! Whitney is just as bad at modeling as Diana is, but despite having gone to Dartmouth, the girl cannot keep her mouth shut. I full expect a Renee/Whitney catfight soon.

Things that were not so good

• The editing from the very beginning made it obvious that Natasha was getting called first and that it would be between Diana and Whitney at the end. Try to make it a little more suspenseful, Tyra!
• Sarah not even giving Dionne props for her outfit! “Oh, I love blue. It works with my hair and my eyes and my skin tone.”
• Brittany’s weave is getting worse every week. It looks fake, and– even worse– looks bad.
• Renee being only mildly bitchy tonight. I need her to step up and ensure that the episode will be drama filled and entertaining!
• A SEARS challenge? Seriously? First Goodwill, then a high school, and now Sears? Hell, they could have filmed this entire season in my hometown (Digby, population 2000) instead of Los Angeles and not lost any resources whatsoever.
• That Renee telling the (bitchy) truth about plus- sized models to Whitney not turning into a brawl.
• I’m sick of the kitschy photo shoots. While this one truly proved that Jaslene is a boy, over the past few seasons I feel like Tyra has decided that models transcend fashion and is ignoring the industry where these girls are likely to get their jobs.

Worth watching if….

….you don’t believe me that Natasha can rock urban hip-hop. Her photo shoot was by far the most entertaining segment of the show. Well that, and the weird cat-phone sex she had at the beginning. It was also nice to see the photos be only mediocre, because these girls are still in training and won’t learn anything if Tyra keeps gushing about their awesomeness.

In Five Words

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