Spoilers for “8 p.m. to 9 p.m.” below:

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“I’m Going to Trade You For Food Now” spoilers below:

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Oh man. What a week. I meant to write about it sooner but I got sidetracked by, well, the very thing I intended to write about. But, with some seven hours left in this weekend, I am finally ready to do what this column sets out to do each and every weekend: wrap things up. I can’t verify this absolutely, due to my rather unique perspective on things, but I have to imagine that a weekend without a wrap-up would be like a flag without a pole. Essentially, it would just flounder about in the air and eventually fall to the ground all soggy or whatever. Or, in another scenario, it would simply be folded up and given to a grieving war widow. But in both cases the same point is made: the pole is an important part of the utter majesty of the flag.

And this column is an important part of the utter majesty of your weekend.

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It felt kind of odd this past Tuesday, not writing about video games. Sure, I’ve theoretically got plenty to write about every week, what with 24, The Office and Veronica Mars, but one of those shows is in an extended rerun period and another has been replaced with a show starring L’il Kim and a bunch of Hoes (and I’m consistently being upstaged when it comes to television recaps, anyway), so I probably should keep with the video game writing. It’s lucrative.

Plus there is never any shortage of video game news that pisses me off.

The big news this week is that trusted sources have all-but-confirmed the coming announcement of Microsoft’s Xbox 360 Elite. This will obviously and reportedly be just like the regular version of the Xbox 360 (already three hundred and sixty times better than the original Xbox [Which was X times more powerful than a regular box]) except more elitist. It’s the kind of console that will scoff at you if you wear sweatpants and regularly look down on you for reading digg instead of kottke. It’s so elite that it only drinks foreign beers and feels like anyone who doesn’t drive a manual transmission should be sent to a reeducation camp. (Or just shot.)

It also does some other things.
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“The Girl Who Changes Her Attitude” spoilers below:

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