“The Girl Who Blames the Taxi Driver” spoilers below:

Things that happened

Jael left letters for everyone, which was sweet but the things they said left me wondering if Jael though she was on Survivor. How would she have sacrificed herself for Brittany? I almost wish Brittany had got sent home so I could see Jael on her knees chanting at the foot of the judging table. Now that would have been great television.

Dionne also caught the acting challenge/commercial discrepancy with Brittany. Apparently Brittany is full of excuses all the time and is a whiny little girl. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t gotten any screen time yet. Because, boy, does she ever get some this week, and boy, do I hate her now because of it!

It’s time for the girls’ go-sees and they are off to see Jodhi, the new host of Australia’s Next Top Model and Priscilla, a successful model agent who will manage the winner of OzNTM. I’m loving this shout-out to the Aussie version because it is a thousand times better. The girls get to go see several Australian designers via a cab (this becomes important later) – most who have already been on OzNTM—and have to be back at Priscilla’s by 4:30 or else. They really mean that. They do.

Jaslene is a thousand types of delightful and rocks it. Renee does pretty well, except she pulled the baby card to get a designer to like her! Gasp! Dionne is bubbly and wonderful, but has terrible posture and seems to think that a go see is an equivalent to a shopping spree at a mall. Natasha is confused and awkward, but thinks she does absolutely fantastically. Why? Because she’s Natasha and is immune to criticism.

Brittany gets lost, also appears to have a bout of dyslexia and an inability to use an elevator, blames her cabbie for arriving late (and according to the flashback — we know it’s a flashback because it’s tinted yellow — we know she is wrong!) and proceeds to have a spastic fit outside the judging where Renee, Jaslene and Dionne are, because they arrived on time. Natasha was late too — by one minute — but dealt with it really gracefully and tried to calm Brittany down, which only spurred her further. The most exciting things that occurred during this scene was seeing Jaslene’s camera guy — they are never on camera! — and the number of times Brittany can say “fuck” in a single sentence.

The winner of the challenge was Jaslene! She is very excited because she’s never won a challenge before and chooses Dionne as her friend. Their prize is to be shot in jumpsuits not unlike the ones in <em>Armageddon</em> on the Sydney Harbor Bridge by Nigel. What happened to $40,000 bracelets?! This is one lame prize.
The TyraMail is finally as incoherent as Tyra herself — did the writers write the TyraMail too? — and the girls have no idea what their photo shoot is going to be. Tyra is going to be their photographer though.

The next morning, they were right! Tyra is their photographer! She then proceeds to treat them like six year olds as she explains the concept for the shoot. They will be doing editorial swimsuit shots — one for a men’s magazine and one for a women’s. This is the first photo shoot in a long time that actually makes sense. Tyra is going to photograph the women’s shoot and Michael Omm is doing the men’s.

During the entire women’s part, Tyra cuts Jay off and interrupts him, during the photo shoot and Jay’s interviews! He looks so exasperated and it his hilarious. Why can’t Tyra let him do his job? Thank god he has Canada’s Next Top Model to host where he can actually feel useful.

The shoots go as they have been for the past couple episodes. Brittany seems awkward but delivers, Dionne needs a ton of direction, Natasha is tense and overly sexual but delivers, Renee and Jaslene do well, but not fantastic. I guess when the competition is this far along, compliments are hard to get. Unless you’re Natasha! She can turn anything into a compliment.

At judging, Brittany gets reprimanded for going spastic, but recovers gracefully. That is, until she starts to cry. Damn, no wonder Tyra treated them like six year olds. Her photos are awesome, but that whole personality thing is a huge issue. None of the designers wanted to book her on her go see and, well, she cries all the fucking time.

Jaslene, Renee and Natasha’s photos are all equally amazing. And all the dresses they are wearing are so pretty! It’s like they are real models! Dionne’s photos are mediocre — she looks mean in both. I love the girl, but she is definitely the weakest model left.

Or is she? The final two are Brittany (and thank you editors for that wonderful “Brittany thinks she’s safe” interview that made it so obvious she was going to be in the final two. I think, just maybe, I got it by now!) and Dionne. They send Brittany home, which is equal parts surprising and not surprising. This was definitely one of the worst single episode edits a girl has ever gotten, and Tyra loves diversity and personality — two things Dionne has. But no red heads anymore.

And no crybabies!

Next week: Renee the psycho bitch is back baby!

Things that were good

• I no longer look to this show to enjoy anything that has to do with fashion anymore. It’s not worth my time. Instead I will list things I found hilarious about this episode that made it enjoyable.
• First, Dionne calling Brittany on her crap!
• Second, Natasha thinking she is so amazing she’d book for jobs than any model ever!
• Third, the wonderful “Brittany’s full of shit” edit when she blamed her cab driver.
• Fourth, the slightly demeaning and racist accent Tyra used to talk to Natasha while photographing her.
• Fifth, Dionne asking for the clothes at the go see. That was just ridiculous.
• Sixth, Brittany going absolutely spastic and how obvious it was that Priscilla could hear and was uncomfortable!
• Seventh, Tyra cutting off and cutting off and cutting off Jay. The look on Jay’s face each time she did that was priceless!
• Okay, now legitimately good things:
• Jaslene was superb this entire episode. I’m so glad she won the challenge and her pictures were fantastic! I want her to win now!
• Tyra looked almost normal at judging. Almost! If her hair wasn’t so frayed and gray-ish, she could almost be pretty again!
• Natasha was very graceful about being late and that was refreshing.
• The photos, except for Dionne’s, were fantastic!
• Brittany exited gracefully. While part of me was hoping for a crying fit, the fact she was mature about it redeemed her somewhat.

Things that were not so good

• Tyra completely taking over the shoot. Why even have Jay there if you are going to do his job for him?
• For the most part, these girls are unprofessional and somewhat conniving. Jaslene was the only one who was consistently classy this entire episode.
• Renee has an Ace Venture duck-tail going on. Worst make-over ever!
• While Brittany was awful today and deserved a lashing, she’s still a better model than Dionne. I think coaching a girl though the proper way to do a go see is better easier than coaching a girl how to be photogenic. Brittany did win the first runway challenge ever — her walk can’t be all that bad.
• After spending so much time watching OzNTM, where the lessons and challenged logically follow each other and build up to the photo shoot so it’s not a complete surprise, I’m wondering how Tyra expects these girls to learn anything if she doesn’t teach them? “Here’s how you do this, now you try, oh you suck, go home” is a much better method than “Surprise! Do this! You really suck! Go home!” but maybe I don’t understand how to make good television.

Worth watching if…

..This show is hilarious. Once you get past the fact this show isn’t about modeling at all, you can really enjoy how much these girls clash and hoe mentally unstable most of the people who participate in it are. Even if these girls are sane and normal in the real world, Tyra makes such a circus around them they can’t help but go a little bananas.

In Five Words

Can You Rock Both Planets?

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