“Low to the Ground, That’s My Technique” spoilers below:

Things that happened

Teams get to fly to Hawaii from Guam. First, they need to fly to Honolulu, where they drive to the Kamaka air hangar. At the air hangar the teams pick one of three helicopter charters to take them to the island of Lanai. The ride is 120 miles and the charters are ten minutes apart.

While Dustin and Kandice get an earlier initial flight, all the teams get on a flight that connects through Tokyo and arrives at 7:40. However, in Toyko, Charla and Mirna frantically—they even use a luggage trolley to push Charla on—to get another flight that gets them into Honolulu at 7:00am. The forty minute advantage is enough to not only completely mess with the other teams, but get them the first charter flight. Eric and Danielle grab the second charter and Dustin and Kandice get the third.

After the charter, teams must select a jeep and drive themselves to a beach and find a guy dressed in ceremonial Hawaiian dress. I was afraid this was going to be a duplication of the season three blessing, which while interesting, didn’t add to the race and just created unnecessary bunching, but thankfully this didn’t happen. Instead, it’s time for the Detour where teams must go Over the water while paddling on a surfboard or Under the water, where teams must swim into an underwater cave to retrieve their clue. I don’t know if it was an editing for timing, but this appeared to be the easiest and shortest Detour ever. Over was awkward enough for Mirna — Charla rocked it — for Eric and Danielle to choose Over — changing their minds midway — and overtake Charla and Mirna.

Dustin and Kandice arrive third, choose Under, and appear to not take their clothes off to do it. As in, didn’t change into swimsuits. They still finish third but the teams are freakishly close. Enough so that when teams must drive themselves to Shipwreck Beach and run a mile on the beach to their next clue, Charla and Mirna end up pretty far behind.

To get their next clue, teams must kayak to the shipwreck after which the beach is named and sits above the water. Eric and Danielle do this seamlessly (anyone else noticing a trend?), Dustin and Kandice struggle and Charla and Mirna really struggle. The clue instructs them to fly to Oakland International Airport in San Francisco.

On the drive from the beach to the airport is when Dustin and Kandice have their “massive” breakdown. It’s actually a pretty mature fight, although unnecessary and it comes at a pretty inconsequential part of the race. It ends really well and the girls agree to move on and I breathe a giant sigh of relief!!

All the teams get on the same flight, despite pleas about a race, about life or death importance (which I think is a slight exaggeration) and how it’s worth a million dollars (why would they care?). From the airport, teams must get a taxi to the Old Mint, where they must complete a task which MIGHT be the Roadblock, but I’m really not sure. One team member must enter a vault and select a four digit code based on answering 4 questions (this team is the most annoying, this team is the most overrated, etc) with numbers reflecting the teams from the race (John Vito and Jill are 1, Kevin and Drew are 2, etc). The other team member then goes in and tries to figure out their team member’s answers and plug that code into a vault to get their next clue.

The editors try to make it close, but the teams are never shown interacting, However, it could just be stress and nerves and the air of competition so I’ll let it go. Eric, Dustin and Mirna decide to select the code and Danielle, Kandice and Charla get to crack it. Did I mention there is a ten minute time limit? Because there is! After a couple of miss-steps, Danielle gets it right. The clue sends them off to the Botanical Gardens, where the Finish Line is! Who is going to win? I’m not telling you yet!

Kandice doesn’t figure it out and the time runs up! However, their taxi takes a short cut and hits green light, green light, green light whereas Eric and Danielle’s taxi driver is a little slow and hits red light, red light, red light.

In the end, despite this tension and deception — damn! — Eric and Danielle are The Amazing Race: All-Stars winners. Well, after Amber won Survivor: All-Stars, is anyone really surprised?

Things that were good

• I thought this leg was a well designed final leg with a good mix of physical tasks—the swimming/paddling and the kayaking — and mental ones — the vault task. However, the reliance on taxis in the final leg always gets me. Make them drive cars that are provided to the Finish Line and challenge their navigation skills!
• As much as I hate to say it, Eric and Danielle ran a seamless and error-free leg.
• I was impressed with how Dustin and Kandice fought. They definitely paid attention in junior high professional development, and it actually worked!
• The final task was pretty neat. It required not only being in tune with your teammate but with the other teams as well.
• Eric and Danielle are totally breaking up. It’s too funny. Yet, they were respectful of each other a the finish line. But, then again, I would be too if I had just won half of a million dollars.
• Next season: new teams! Teams we’ve never seen! Hooray!

Things that were not so good

• I wanted Dustin and Kandice to win. Boo.
• While I’m giving props to Dustin and Kandice for how they fought, why they fought was stupid. It was over a kayaking task, which they just completed in decent time and fighting would just hinder them more so than it would benefit them.
• As much as I liked the vault task, the time limit was ridiculous. I know it was designed to make the final leg more intense, but a time limit on a race like this takes way from its purpose.
• Mirna’s final comments made no sense whatsoever. Stereotypes of who you are? So, because I think you are insane—after watching two entire seasons of you racing all people of Armenian descent must be insane? Or people related to dwarfs are insane? No, Mirna. You are insane. I have evidential proof. Get over it.
• The phone call to Jeremy was the most awkward and staged thing ever. It also made me feel bad for Danielle. She was totally an accessory for Eric’s second chance and this proved it.
• I know work out gear is form-fitting, but holy crap was Danielle’s cleavage ever distracting. Going one size up wouldn’t hurt, Dani!

Worth watching if….

While I’m never a fan of one hour finales, this leg was pretty well designed, and — let’s face it — the team who ran it best won. While I want to see an elimination of taxis in the final leg and Detours and Roadblocks that are reflective of the rest of the race, I don’t really have any complaints about this one. Except for who won. But what can you do? At least it’s better than Zach and Flo.

In Five Words

Yeah, We Didn’t Win. Damn.