As the eighth cycle comes to a close, one has to recognize how atrociously this show has deteriorated. No longer is it a showcase for up-and-coming models who have potential and just needed an in to the business, it’s about constructing as much drama as possible for the sake of television viewers. It is working – this cycle is one of the most highest rated cycles in ANTM history and consistently wins its time slot for the coveted 18-49 demographic. However, as much as I love this show, I need to come and say it : this show is terrible. After being a keen watcher of this show for many cycles, and a loyal follower to the Australia’s Next Top Model (which is absolutely fantastic!) and Canada’s Next Top Model (which is terrible — but rumors are circulating that the second season is a hundred times better than the first!) and the occasional viewer of Britain’s Next Top Model (which is somewhere between AusNTM and CNTM), I feel I have the know-how to tell Tyra how to smarten the hell up and return ANTM to its former early-cycle glory.

Honorable Mention – If it’s not Paris, Milan or London, stuff the international destinations

I know fashion exists everywhere and it’s important to recognize and be inspired by all the designers across the world. However, I feel that they are beginning to really stretch the international destinations. I know a new destination makes it more exciting for the viewers, but this is not Survivor. Where you go in the fashion world matters. Especially considering the winner of Australia’s Next Top Model gets a trip the hell out of Australia, sending our girls to Australia feels like a big step backwards.

#10 — Reduce the Schedule to One Cycle per Year

The requirements to be a model are extremely difficult to achieve, and whether you pass or not is really no fault of your own – if you’re under 5’8”, feel free to blame your mom. While it is important for the show to demand the same criteria of it’s contestants the real modeling world does, the pool you get to select from begins to diminish. And things like Jaslene getting cut from one cycle, but making – and potentially winning – the next. Additionally, this will give you and your production team more time to craft the challenges and the photo shoots so they are no longer these ridiculous cheese-fests, but quality fashion photos any model would be proud to put in her portfolio.

#9 — Lower the Age Requirements to Sixteen

In Cycle 7, the biggest issue with Melrose was that she is old! Additionally, most of the girls in this cycle are moms! In the modeling world, your career should be half over when you hit 24 or 25, not just beginning. By lowering the required age to sixteen, the girls will be more apt to compete with the industry’s new models, you’d up the number of applications, which would produce greater quality contestants, and let’s face it – as drama-inducing as Renee is, nothing will beat a bunch of sixteen-year-olds away from home for the first time living in a tiny house. It would be Laguna Beach all over again.

#8 — Bring the writers back!

Ever since the writing team was fired and never replaced, not only can you predict the call out order fifteen minutes into an episode, the story-lines are non-existent. Previous cycles were fantastic at turning nothingness into compelling drama. This hasn’t happened this season AT ALL. And you know why? Because the producers have no clue how to concoct a story out of a week’s worth of footage. Get over yourself, Tyra. And get them back.

#7 — Find a Bitchy-but- Honest Judge Who Shows No Mercy

I’m going to come out and say it – I miss Janice. Twiggy, while supportive and nice, is useless as a judge. Outright useless. Nigel never says anything of value, Miss J. is far to concerned with being hilarious, and Tyra only sees what she wants to see. They need someone who can say “You Suck. Here is why you suck. Here is how you make it better.” Better than Tyra’s grunt and pose method. Not only is Twiggy useless, she makes for boring television, except when she tries to emmulate Tyra’a fashion sense. Get rid of her. Bring Janice back.

#6 -– Stop Worrying About Diversity

I think diversity is very important in modeling and girls — and women — everywhere need a wide variety of women representing them in fashion. However, this does not give you the right to keep the fat girls because they are fat. Or the black girls because they are black. It really takes away from what this show is trying to do. I love how every season a wide variety of girls are selected, from all sorts of ethnic backgrounds and sizes (over 5’7”!), but let’s face it—when a model sucks, she sucks. This show should be designed to give all the girls the same set of tools to model, then it’s up to them to bring it. I want a plus size girl to win this contest, but I want her to win because she is fantastic.

#5 — Keep the elimination process consistent

Tyra needs to develop a formula for how much each component of the show is worth: the week’s photo shoot, the week’s behaviour, the week’s challenge, past photo shoots, past behaviour and past challenges, then stick with it. It’s the only way to be fair, and the only way the best girl can truly win. Without this level of elimination discipline, Tyra and co. can manipulate the weight of each component do that who they want to stay will stay. It leaves me feeling confused (example: Cassandra and Sarah) and cheated (example: every time Whitney got to stay). It’s okay for an elimination to hurt, it’s not okay for it to be unfair.

#4 – Get More Involved, Tyra

Tyra needs to be more involved with the process from beginning to end. She should be there for the challenges, watch the training exercises, and just know what the fuck is going on. Beyond her obvious interventions for drama, of course. The problem with her detachment from the girls is that she is constantly shocked over personality quirks that arise in panel, and forces them to answer questions like “Who has the least potential?” I find this not only demeaning to the contestants, but her lack of involvement – save for opportune times in which SHE looks good – undermines why this show exists in the first place. Tyra knows fashion, she know how to model and she knows how the industry works. She really should be giving these girls that information above and beyond refusing sympathy in the judging panel for all the times Tyra rocked it depsite being hated on, sick, fat, in trouble, confused, seventeen, etc. She should also stop using herself as the bar from which to measure all these girls, but asking Tyra to tone down her ego is asking a lot.

#3 — but stay the hell away from the photo shoots

All that being said, Tyra needs to remember that she is a model not a art director or a photographer. Using this show to showcase her very amateur photography is lame and demeaning. Also, speaking over Jay when it is his shoot to direct and acting like a Mama hen is not the way to coach models to perfection. Tyra knows how to model and that is exactly what she needs to teach them. By not getting them the best photographers and the best art directors, she isn’t teaching them anything except that her personal interests are more important than the girls’ careers.

#2 – Still, remember to Stay TYRA

One of the greatest joys of this show, however, is just how bat-shit crazy Tyra is. I’ve been watching a lot of Australia’s Top Model and while Jodhi is a fantastic host technically – she is involved where it is in her expertise to be involved, visits the girls regularly, her critiques are valauble and sensible, and is not trying to be their friend nor their mother – but she is so god damned boring. Not knowing what Tyra is ever going to do or say – or wear — is part of what makes this show so good!

#1 – Give Each Episode – and the Photo Shoot – some Logic!

Currently on Top Model, there exists a huge disconnect between the weekly challenges and lessons and the photo shoots. One would think it would make sense – and be better training – if the three lead up to each other. I’m not asking for each task to be the exact same thing, but rather a logical connection to show which girls were listening and improving and which ones fell flat. I’d also like to see the challenges and tasks be far more related to modeling. Examples: these girls need to get in shape, meet a nutritionist, and go shopping to learn how to dress like a model. And then for these lessons to carry over into the next episodes. Models need to be healthy all the time. Fashionable all the time. You get it, it’s not a show for an hour a week, and I don’t see how there is anything happening in the current cycle to teach these girls otherwise. Finally, the photo shoots need to make sense, and need to mirror what real models do. This show used to do that. I don’t know why it doesn’t anymore.

In Sum

This show needs to care about itself again. I think that’s the fundamental difference right now between Australia’s version and America’s version. Australia is trying to find it’s credibility and is trying to produce a real model whereas America has lost all credibility, and Tyra doesn’t seem to care because her talk show has taken off. It’s become all about the ratings. But, Tyra, guess what? I won’t watch it if it’s bad!

Okay, maybe I will.

What do you think Top Model needs to do to get better for Cycle 9?