“The Girl Who Kisses A Male Model” spoilers below:

Things that happened

First, I must point out that the title of this episode is wrong! She did not kiss a male model! She kissed a hockey player!

Steff with two fs is gone. She leaves a note for everyone it says she wants Tia to stay crazy (oh god no!) and for Sinead to win.

Also, Gina needs to stop whining about sucking, Rebecca hates Tia and Tia is insane.

The girls then open their awating Jay Mail. It’s so cryptic, they have no idea what to expect. Does he mean genie, as in genie in a bottle, or Jeanne, as in Canada’s Janice Dickinson knock-off?

It turns out he meant Jeanne Beker and the girls are going to go through media training. Jeanne interviews all the girls one-on-one and acts as various “interviewers from hell.” Of course, all the interviews go terribly. Yet, they are so boring Tara manages to fall asleep during them. And doesn’t get yelled at. Tia, on the other hand, does get yelled at. Apparently Jeanne hates Tia. She pretty much confessionalized such.

With their newfound savvy media skills, the girls are off to Star! television, where they get to put them to use. But this time as the interviewee! Gasp! Because presenting at a bad entertainment news show is always the next logical step for a fledging modeling career. The girls get to take turns interviewing a “big celebrity” with a set of 10 questions provided by Star!

The big celebrity? Adamo from Degrassi. He goes through all the interviews acting like a jerk. But don’t worry, it’s all a rouse. Most of the girls suck, except Mo and Sinead. Mo did so well she thinks she won, and then nearly has a breakdown when she doesn’t. Sinead does, which means she gets to cover Toronto Fashion Week and gets a flat screen television.

Back at the house, the girls whine about their various issues. The best part? Sinead’s new television is on full display for all to see. Mo keeps interviewing about her competitiveness and it’s annoying. She comes across as a diva. She spends the rest of the episode going between crying herself and making other people cry.

Rebecca grates. Grates grates grates. I hate her hair soooo much. It does translate well into pictures, but I feel so bad for her that she has to go through life everyday with hair like that. Until she talks. Then I just want her to go the hell home.

Cori is insecure, Tara’s a bitch and Tia is insane. I wish I could tell you the drama was better, but it’s really not.

The girls get some Jay Mail. It’s another cryptic letter about their photo shoot. He also wants them to watch their interviews from best to worst so they can learn form them. Cori takes this personally, and now its her turn to go to bed and bawl her eyes out.

There is way too much crying on this show.

At the photo shoot, the girls get to pose with a fancy helicopter, a fancy car and a boy. Ohhh! They are supposed to embody the life of a supermodel. I highly doubt that the winner of Canada’s Next Top Model will ever get to experience such luxury. But I’m a pessimist.

Mo’s photo shoot goes surprisingly well. Sinead bombed, but everyone develops a theory that she sucked on purpose because she wants the other girls to like her. I’m sorry, but that’s lame. No excuses! Paul Alexander hates excuses! He also hates girls with diseases, girls who talk back and girls who are ugly. He is the best judge ever.

Gina sucks, Cori looks really lost, Tia just doesn’t get it – but after watching four episodes of her, I’ve come to the conclusion she doesn’t get anything — And Tara does okay. Rebecca does really well. Everyone loves her. I don’t know why.

After the photo shoot, the girls head back to the house and let loose with that hockey team from last episode. At first it’s all friendly fun, but then people get hammered, and things that look like shooting licorice off a counter, making out, shirtlessness, and general Lindsay-Lohan-wannabe behavior ensues. And the girl who kisses the hockey player? Who has a boyfriend? Rebecca!!! And she doesn’t even feel guilty about it! Her ass is getting dumped when she gets back home!

I’m very disappointed no one had sex. It always happens in ANTM. Are we Canadians too nice to do such a thing on national television?

At judging, the girls are worn out or hung over or something because there is a ton of crying. In the end, the pictures turn out as expected based on Nole’s criticism. Mo’s is amazing. Amazing! Good for Mo!

Although, this might mean she is going to turn into a super diva.

In the end it comes down to Gina, who can’t take a picture, and Cori, who needs to stop taking everything so personally. They send Gina home and she is not surprised by this at all. She exits gracefully, which is always nice to see.

Next week: The girls learn how to act like strippers. Another important skills all former models should have.

Things that were good

• I really like the judging panel. Paul is a delightful asshole, but everything he says is right, Yasmin has a lot of helpful things to say, Jay’s Tyra impersonation hasn’t gotten annoying yet, and Jeanne – I’d like her more if I didn’t think she was acting like Janice on purpose. But still. Love them, love what they have to say.
• Rebecca and Tara drinking in the confessional room was priceless and hilarious. If I had to live with some of those girls, I’d probably do the same thing.
• Delivery? No, it’s Deliciouso! At least the product placements are getting more subtle.
• There hasn’t been a single photo shoot on CNTM that has made me go “What the fuck!” This is a very good thing.
• Overall, the drama in the house is hilarious. Things like laundry and shoes and the sound of Tia’s voice are making people go CRAZY!
• Aww, Sinead and Cori didn’t drink because they are underage. That’s really mature of them.
• When the judges were asking Sinead about her sabotaging on purpose, the edits to Mo crying and Tia kicking Sinead were fantastic. Sinead is also amazingly well spoken. Right now, she needs to win.

Things that were not so good

While I think media training and learning how to deal with assholes is an important skill models need, I don’t understand the point of making them the interviewer. It really had nothing to do with their training and it’s a skill that only models who get too famous or too fat for the catwalk need.

I’m sick of watching these girls eat junk food. They are models. Get them a trainer and a nutritionist and make them eat apples. I’m glad their eating, but if they want to do this professionally, they need to learn how to do it right, so they won’t be unprepared for when their 19 year old metabolism leaves them.

I think sending Gina home was the wrong move. While Gina hasn’t been a good model, she takes criticism and tries to work with it. Cori, on the other hand, takes it personally, bawls her eyes out, then gets lucky on a shot. Were they afraid of completely breaking Cori down?

Most of the girls just aren’t likable. I know it’s not the girls fault, and it’s just the producers maximizing negative editing, but it’s frustrating liking only Sinead. But if she cries over getting snapped at again, or is flubbing on purpose, she’s off the list.

Worth Watching If

It’s still better than last season. But it still feels like ANTM’s little sister. However, strong judging panels and strong photo shoot concepts compensate for the junior high level drama. Good drama has to be at least on a high school level.

In Five Words

I Don’t Do Laundry, Bitch!

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