“K&R, Part III” spoilers below:

Things that happened

Since these story lines are so important and so timely, Sorkin felt the need to stretch them out over THREE episodes. But wait! Nothing is resolved in this episode! Do you know what that means? We have another episode coming up about mothers dying, doctors sucking and comedy sketch writers negotiating an international kidnap and rescue.

I’m so glad this show is canceled.

It’s really late, and everyone is at the studio waiting on word about Tom’s brother. Except Danny and Harriet, who are at the hospital, waiting on word about Jordan. Because it’s Hollywood and the hospital is understaffed, Doogie Howser does things like comes and talks to Danny with blood all over his hands. This, rightfully, freaks Danny out. Don’t worry, Jordan’s not dead yet. She will be by next week though. I can feel it.

To distract Danny from his woes, Harriet is standing around doing impressions of Juliette Lewis and Holly Hunter. WHY? Neither of these women are culturally relevant anymore? Yes, Sarah Paulson is surprisingly good at imitating people. But if Amy Poehler refused to do impressions of people who were famous after 1997 she would be fired, instead of being lauded as a comic genius. And Harriet is no comic genius.

The doctors finally stop Jordan’s bleeding, but now she has a staff infection. This feels just like an episode of House! Perhaps it is and this Doogie guy is a replacement intern. He’s way better than Cameron. Him and Foreman can butt heads because they are both brilliant, but have very different styles. They only come together when it is time to make fun of Chase, which results in witty banter and high fives.

But no. Instead, we have Harriet jumping on Danny’s most vulnerable state so she can teach him how to pray. They head to the chapel, Danny goes on a rant about how he has worked very hard to get where he is (really, Aaron? You did? Who knew?!) and thinks prayer is bullshit. Now he is angry, Harriet is angry, and God – most definitely angry.

Back at the studio, Jack is trying to convince Simon to apologize for his rant earlier. Simon keeps refusing, using things like the fact Jack is divorced and voted Democrat as reasons he doesn’t have to. For a guy who went to Yale, Simon is really stupid. Jack gets his point but recognizes that’s not what the public – or the media – care about. Just because Simon apologizing isn’t equivalent to the second coming doesn’t mean he shouldn’t do it. Besides, if NBS gets screwed during up-fronts, Simon, you might be out of a job.

Why do all these Hollywood hot shots think that acting is an art and not a business? Simon’s self-righteous whining is a pain in the ass. You don’t have to MEAN the apology. Just do it.

Although Isaiah Washington did and he still got fired.

During all this, Jack is drinking constantly and is probably hammered. It’s possibly the only thing left about this show that is actually delightful.

All this Simon-Jack chit-chat keeps bringing up to flashbacks, back to just after 9/11 and Matt was the insufferable asshole artist and Jack was still Jack.

In the flashback, Jack and Matt had a deal. The evil sketch about how Washington wants to use Hollywood to promote patriotism will be shown during dress. If it goes over well – and all the important ads sales, legal and everyone else who matters at NBS is there – they can put it to air. It goes well, so they decide to air it, despite Harriet’s shrill cries not to. All is well, until Monday morning, when Jack hears a middle America morning talk show, where Matt gets placed on the “Friends of Osama” list (complete with catchy jingle) along with all the advertisers affiliated with Studio 60. This seriously pisses off the advertisers and they want Matt to apologize. If he refuses, Jack will fire Danny. Not because she can’t tell Matt and Danny apart, but because he is a shrewd asshole.

Back in real life, Tom is still hanging out with the officer and not with his parents. I find it hard to believe that it was so expensive to bring the actors who played Tom’s parents back for this that they need to constantly make excuses to explain the fact they are off-screen. I will also never understand why they brought the parents here, instead f taking Tom home.

Anyways, the officer gets word that the terrorist people are going to claim they executed one of Tom’s brother’s men. This is a lie, but it freaks Tom out enough to want to go through the hostage negotiation. The officer is very, very, very against this, but for some reason, Tom would rather listen to a bunch of comedy sketch writers instead of an experienced senior officer when it comes to international crisis situations. Smart thinking, Tom, smart thinking.

Also, Mary Tate is STILL around, even though it’s 4am. She better be charging these people 400 dollars an hour for this. It’s really, really sad to think she is hanging out this goddamned long because she has a thing for Matt. She also tells Matt Danny needs Jordan to sign papers to make Danny legal guardian of the baby. This pisses Matt off because it’s such an emotional time for Danny. Matt, the law doesn’t give two craps about “emotional connection.” Don’t you watch Nip/Tuck? Christian Troy went through the exact same thing.

Sheesh. I thought his job depended on him knowing pop culture. No wonder Studio 60’s ratings are in the tank.

Things that were good

• Jack Rudolph is the only person around who actually understands Hollywood. And considering all these people are experience and have been in the business this long, this is just sad.
• Jack is also the only person getting any good lines.
• Why would the officer care so much about an obscure Frank Sinatra album?!
• Matt. Danny. Danny. Matt. If Jack doesn’t care enough to tell you guys apart, why should I?
• As much as I hate Mary Tate, lawyer-whore, I’m glad she is being the voice of reason when it comes to Danny and Jordan.
• With every passing second, it looks more and more likely that Jordan is going to die.
• There’s only one episode left!

Things that were not so good

• I’m so sick of this premise. Why can’t Sorkin end this show like he ended Sports Night? It WAS the exact same set-up: a show on the brink of cancellation, and two couples – one whose timing was never quite right and one who were working things out – working things out. It had potential to end well, and instead he does THIS with it.
• Jesus, Harriet, when will you get that not everyone loves Jesus as much as you do?!
• If Tom goes through with this wacko negotiation deal, I want it to blow up in his face.
• Just apologize Simon. What you did was royally stupid. While a lot of what you said has merit, how you said it was offensive and demeaning.
• Where ARE Tom’s parents? I’m no longer buying the doped up/ in the chapel/ sleeping/ with Darius lines. If Mark dies and they aren’t around, I’m going to name them “worst parents ever.” Unless the real reason they aren’t around is because they are avoiding Tom-the-psycho-jerk. In which case, I don’t blame them.
• Where is Jack’s voice of reason during this entire hostage negotiation? C’mon, Jack! Step up!

Worth Watching if

You want to watch Aaron Sorkin go down in a ball of flames. Or see what the most desperate women alive (Mary Tate, lawyer-whore) is willing to go through to date a man who was a drug addict only six hours ago.

In Five Words

American Military? Bunch of Liars!