Spoilers for “The Girls Go Green” below.

Things that happened

Erin’s still adjusting to life on the mean streets of Toronto, so I’m filling in again. It will, unfortunately, be my last time at the bat. Or so I’ve been promised.

Proving once again that Tyra Banks should be a strong contender for sainthood, this episode hinges on two forms of moral do-goodery. The first is that the show is now ‘green’. The girls’ bus is now powered by bio-diesel, the house is energy efficient and all the lighting during photo shoots is now provided by the soft warm glow coming off Tyra’s shimmering halo. Seriously — I’m really glad we can live in a world where environmentalism and shows about girls trying to become a c-list model aren’t mutually exclusive.

The other form of moral do-goodery comes in the form of a strong anti-smoking message. It seems that after eight cycles of trying in vain to avoid showing the girls smoking too much, Tyra has finally had enough. She announces toward the end of the episode that she’s making this a non-smoking cycle, completely banning smoking during the competition. Some more cynical people might claim this wasn’t so much a moral and ethical decision as much as it is a transparent apparent to inject more drama and cattiness into the show’s in-house scenes, but I could never do that. I’m way too distracted by the glow from the halo.

The anti-smoking thing dovetailed nicely with this week’s photo shoot, as the 13 girls all posed for a series of photos were they showed the deadly ‘side effects’ on smoking cigarettes. I thought the use of the term ‘side effects’ was odd because, well, what’s smoking’s main effect? Making you look cool? But whatever. It’s your standard beautiful/ugly dual photo deal, where the end product is photoshopped together.

All the girls do well with their ‘ugly’ shot, because it’s easy to look interesting when you’re wearing a bald cap or have a bunch of grape jelly smeared on your face so you look like you have a tumor. Some girls, however, are terrible at the shot where they’re supposed to look beautiful. In particular, both super-perky Mila and once-evil-but-now-trying-to-be-nice Ebony look entirely unnatural and awkward.

In the end, it comes down to those two, and Mila goes home. Ebony survived largely because Nigel likes her a lot. Mila pretty much beauty queens her way through the whole ordeal, and doesn’t seem overly concerned about being the first to go home. Oh well. No big loss anyway. In better news: aspergers Heather is an early front runner — she’s still incredibly awkward but looks awesome when she poses — alongside brainy Victoria, who I think went to University somewhere. I can’t be sure — they hardly mention it.

Next week: Mountaineering, I think. And makeovers? Maybe?

Things that were good

• The no-smoking thing is long overdue. Not because I particularly care about these girls’ health, but just because the whole experience has gotten far too comfortable for everyone involved. These sorts of shows are better when everyone’s uncomfortable and pissed off.
• Benny Ninja’s brief appearance was nowhere near as cool as his last one, but, still, I like to see him. Benny Ninja is such a good name.
• It’s nice to see the show half-acknowledge that by “Top Model” they really just sort of mean “Old Navy spokesperson, maybe.” I’m all for honesty.

Things that were bad

• I thought it was weird that, during the whole anti-smoking tirade, Tyra never mentioned herself. Does she smoke? Did she ever? I bet some of the other judges do. Nigel, especially. He probably smokes like a goddamn chimney.
• There are still way too many girls hanging around. I don’t know who any of them are. Clearly I am not cut out for this show. It’s way too intricate.

Worth Watching If…

This cycle feels stronger than the last cycle already, which is nice. There’s a better mix of girls and some real potential for stand-out winners (Heather, Victoria, Lisa) as opposed to last year when they pretty much just muddled through until the only girl who was left was Jaslene so they gave it to her, despite admitting on the show multiple times that she looked like a drag queen. If anything, it’s nice to know nothing like that is going to happen this year.

In Five Words

A Bunch of Smoking Bodies

Be Sociable, Share!

•