Spoilers for “Fun Run” below.

Things that happened

In this hotly-anticipated season opener, we start with the newly cohabiting (with an unemployed Jan) Michael speaking glowingly about his new life. Then he pulls into the Dunder-Mifflin parking lot and hits Meredith with his car.

What follows is a twisted chain of events that bounces oddly from hospital visits to dead cats to bat callbacks to rabies to charity fun runs to nipple chafing to vomiting. There’s no way I can cover all of those in the next few paragraphs, so I won’t. What I will do, however, is cover the one big plot point of the episode:

Jim and Pam are now dating.

Apparently after Jim broke up with her, Karen initially claimed that she wasn’t going to leave the office. But then she up and did exactly that soon after, leaving things surprisingly tension-free. While the newly-minted Jam are still keeping their burgeoning relationship on the downlow, everyone in the office suspects that something is up. Especially since they’ve replaced their longing glances towards one another with happy grins. And Pam’s personality has suddenly gone from shy and reserved to outspoken and long-haired.

We don’t see much of the new Pam Beesly & Jim dynamic over the hour. Mostly they deny their relationship, in the one non-craziness-related plot line of the hour, as Kevin continuously questions them about it. Then the documentary cameras catch them kissing in Pam’s car, and the truth comes roaring out. Then Pam & Jim buy a lamp from a yard sale and hold hands. It is kind of unsubstantially sweet, which I guess is apropos for this couple.

But, look, other than that, this was a clear case of the writers trying too hard. Here’s my attempt at an objective summary: Michael hits Meredith with his car and cracks her pelvis. Michael has to tell the whole office what he’s done and they all get mad. They all go visit Meredith in the hospital, except for Dwight who needs to go check on Angela’s sick cat for some reason. Seeing that the cat is in pain, Dwight euthanizes the cat, but tells Angela it was dead when he got there. Angela gets hysterically sad. Also, earlier, Pam’s computer crashed because she tried to download and buy a celebrity sex tape. Michael decides that all these negative events are because Dunder-Mifflin has been cursed. He then holds a meeting where he rambles off various animal combinations for like ten minutes.

A doctor at the hospital realizes that, because of the time she was bit by a bat, Meredith needs treatment for rabies. Michael decides that this means his hitting Meredith with his car saved her from getting rabies. He decides he needs to do even more to save people from getting rabies. He organizes a fun run in Meredith’s honour to raise money. Because not very many people die from rabies anymore, they are not successful in raising much money. They also spend most of it getting the giant cheque printed and then hiring a stripper to dress like a nurse to receive the cheque. During the run, Toby wins. Stanley, Oscar and Creed skip out and take a cab, stop for beers, and then make it to the finish line. Jim and Pam go to the yard sale and buy their lamp. Andy is really concerned about nipple chafing and then is justified as his nipples bleed horribly. Michael carbo-loads before the race then refuses to drink any water while running. He almost does not finish, but then Jim and Pam give him a pep talk and he makes it to the end. Then he vomits.

Needless to say, it was a lot of plot.

Things that were good

• Darryl feeding the squirrel in the background while Michael was giving his speech about rabies was a great sight gag and made even better by Darryl’s justification. Probably the most awesome part of the hour.
• Creed got in a number of great lines throughout the hour, from rambling off the names of pain killers at Meredith’s bed-side to his hilarious comparison on the pros and cons of being a cult member versus a cult leader.
• Dwight’s attitude toward Angela’s cat was pretty dead-on for his character. I loved his “that better place is your freezer, because of the odor” line. I’m glad they’re working to flesh out the whole Dwight/Angela thing, especially since it started out as pretty much a one-time sight gag thing, I think.
• Jim and Pam. Awww.
• BJ Novak is great in the new ‘wunderkind’ role. I just wish we had seen more of him. Ditto unemployed Jan.

Things that were bad

• Well, hell, just look at that plot. The only show that could pull off a narrative that dense and strung together would be Arrested Development, and they could only do it because of Ron Howard’s narration. The Office is a show that thrives when the plot is secondary to the characters. Relying on a bunch of crazy shit happening is not what the show needs.
• Seriously, that scene where Michael rambles off possible animal gods they could worship? That’s the downside to hour-long episodes. That was almost definitely Steve Carrel improvisation and, while that sort of thing is cute as a deleted scene on a DVD, as part of an episode it’s just awkward.
• Losing Rashida Jones to another show really sucks. Having Karen around for the first few episodes of the season would have made for a natural barrier between Jim and Pam really getting together and built to a better revelation of their new status. As it is, the two of them are sweet, but I can’t say it’s not a bit of an anti-climax, given what it took to get here.
• It could just be me, but having Andy sit there during most scenes of the episode and pretty much say nothing really started to bother me. I hope they have bigger and better plans for Ed Helms this year. It just feels awkward to have him sit there quietly.

Worth Watching If…

It’s The Office and The Office is like pizza. Because even when it’s bad, it’s still good. And even when it is overcooked, greasy and with all the wrong toppings, there’s still a lot to be happy about. This was definitely not one of my favourite Office episodes by a long shot, but I think it would work a lot better as two half-hour episodes. There were still a lot of good moments, but as an hour of television it just didn’t quite work.

In Five Words

Pam Anderson? I Never Noticed.