Once again, it’s digg! Digg.com, to be exact. Let’s see what’s in the internet news this week.

What Digg Dugg Most

These damn corrupt politicians are pushing my buttons

Top this week (#1 Digg: 6897) was this video, submitted under the title “How your lawmakers vote”:

The submitter guaranteed in the video description that my reaction would be “w….t….f….” which is, well, both a little presumptuous and also assumes I have a severe speech impediment. And maybe an additional brain impediment, because “what the fuck” is both easier to say AND type than “w….t….f…..” is. (Seriously, try to say it out loud, you’ll sound like that wheelchair kid from Malcolm in the Middle.)

I think digg did a good job this week, honestly. This is a fascinating video, and reveals some fundamental problems with the way government works in various state legislatures. It’s also hilariously edited, with awesome instant replays and football-style commentary. I’ve got to admit, though, if I were in a room like that with so many buttons, I’d probably be pressing as many of them as I could, too. Especially if they made some sort of dinging sound or lit up. It’s human nature.

In comparison to the above video, here’s a glimpse at how the Canadian legislature operates:

The Runners Up

A Fucking Optical Illusion

All that digg praise above made me feel a little dirty and, you know, prole-ish, so I’m glad this is so fucking stupid (#2 Digg: 5675). Seriously, it’s a god damn optical illusion — this doesn’t really qualify as ‘news’ in even the broadest sense. If you seriously want to make a claim that social media news is way better than conventional sources, you need to avoid stuff like this. It’s not like Stone Phillips or whoever goes from reporting on the War in Iraq to “In other news, check this out — all those lines are parallel! AMAZING!”

For the headline alone

The headline “School Guards Break Child’s Arm and Arrest Her For Dropping Cake” (#4 Digg: 4846) is so awesome that I have no real interest in clicking on the story and finding out more. I’m sure the reality is far less awesome than what I have pictured: a little girl in pigtails, carrying a giant cake, dropping it, then a bunch of helmet-wearing gestapo-types jumping out from the shadows and snapping her arm.

My friends and I found the gateway. Now the the problem is finding the way back home.

Parallel Universes Exist – Study (#8 Digg: 4689) seems pretty cool, but actually clicking through the link shows that it’s hardly as cool as it might seem. Instead of, like, having the possibility to go to a world where The Nazis Won World War II or one where humans actually descended from reptiles instead it’s just… math. And not even good, solid, masculine math like addition or subtraction. It’s newfangled quantum shit. And, honestly, I doubt this whole parallel worlds thing will ever work out very well for anyone. We’ll inevitably get trapped and unable to find our way home and then, by the end, we’ll all be dead except for the fucking lounge singer.

Next week: More optical illusions and anti-government stuff, I bet!

Matt