Spoliers for “The Right Stuff” below the cut.

Things that happened

Okay, I think I’m back. That is, I’m back if Toronto decides to stop sending all its versions of the influenza virus and 6am wake-up calls my way. We’ll see how it goes.

If not, I’ll get House to check me out. Or his new giant team. I’m sure some of them would rather diagnose a patient than wash a car. Was that even House’s car?

As we learned last week, House needs to find three new apprentices. He is doing so by playing the medical version of “Survivor” (which I think would make an awesome show), with about 40 candidates. Between firing people arbitrarily and firing people for fucking up, the team must diagnose a wannabe NASA astronaut who refuses traditional medical treatment.

You see, she is afraid NASA will find out she has hallucinations equivalent to someone tripping on acid and won’t let her fly spaceships. I feel fer fears are validated, because I wouldn’t either if I were NASA.

House’s new rag-tag team consists of blonde twins (not as exciting as it seems), an old dude who fakes having a medical degree, a bitchy-but-endearing brunette, a bitchy-and-annoying blonde, a religious black guy, a plastic surgeon, a Russian import, and a dude who thinks changing his assigned number from “6″ to “9″ will prevent him from getting fired. (It works.) This new team does things like light the patient on fire, make her take tequila shots until she passes out (it’s for medical purposes, I swear!), and prescribe breast implants. In the end, the astronaut has an incurable genetic disease, but will probably get to go into space anyway.

All this is interspersed with House having Cameron (who is now blonde), Chase and Foreman hallucinations. Each time this happens, he seeks out Wilson for validation. Wilson, hilariously, concocts elaborate back-stories for the gang instead of telling House the truth — that Chase and Cameron now work at the hospital!

Things that were good

• The romantic, whimsical music that played in the background when Chase walked by for the first time. I hear that every time Chase is on screen. House should too. It’s only fair.
• The wannabe mini-Houses were eclectic and hilarious. While it’s pretty obvious who is going to get hired in the next few episodes, it’s fun watching new people react to House and House’s insane behavior.
• Wilson’s new role as scampy hell-raiser is delightful.
• The thought of the old guy fetching coffee, doing laundry and then out-diagnosing the eager beaver team is making my day. I want him and House to join a motorcycle club and be bad asses. The old guys and the younger diagonsitic team can have gangs. Maybe they’ll even recruit Wilson to join.

Things that were not so good

• Now that Cameron is indeed back, it makes me realize how much I did not miss her. Foreman — hell yes! Chase — okay, maybe. Cameron — no way man. Her blonde hair only adds to my pain.
• I am really enjoying this upheaval in the procedural, however, the medical cases are getting ridiculous. Last week’s “it’s not really her!” followed by this weeks “our patient must be kept secret!” is making me wonder if the House writing team is running out of medical cases.
• Chase and Cameron are engaged?! Really?!!

In Five Words

Only Hookers Have Blonde Hair

Be Sociable, Share!

•