“The Girls Go Rock Climbing” spoilers below:

Things that happened
This week, the girls learn how to walk! And since Miss J. is unable to teach anyone how to walk in a normal setting, he takes them to the hospital of “Fashion Madness.” This is more reminiscent of a Paris Hilton movie set than a fashion school. Oh well. J. scares the beejeezus out of the girls and makes them walk in straight jackets. This actually has a couture purpose and results in a hilarious montage of the girls looking like ducks. I only wish that one of them had fallen over.

The girls get to put these new skills to work in a fashion show featuring couture dresses by up-and-coming designer Colleen Quen. This is shocking for two reasons: 1) Colleen is an actual designer who has been featured in Vogue. 2) The winner gets to go to Colleen’s Paris debut. How awesome is that prize? The downside is that Ron Campbell shows up to commentate. How this man ever got involved in fashion is beyond me.

The show goes pretty well and Bianca thinks she is going to win. But as Top Model historians know, it’s never the cocky girl who gets the prize. It’s always her nemesis. Thus, Seleisha is the winner!

The photo shoot involves wearing dresses while rock climbing. Indoor rock climbing. There is nothing sexy about color-coded plastic knobs (unless they vibrate). However, it goes surprisingly well. Most girls pull out a decent shot, with the exception of Bianca, who looks pissed, and Kimberley, who looks blah. At panel, Tyra tries to be quirky, but it doesn’t work as well with her new normal hair and normal wardrobe. In the end, they send Kim home because she is far more sane than Bianca and Ebony and will not contribute to the Top Model drama we have come to know and love.

Things that were good

• A real fashion show? With real fashion? And a real fashion designer? With a real fashion prize? What happened to Goodwill and “high school prom” themes?!
• Tyra actually looks normal. I almost miss pirate-Tyra.
• The photos produced by this group of girls is already stronger as a set than later the past few cycles. Could a real model emerge from this cycle?
• Thank god they kept Bianca and Ebony. Where else could they get drama from?
• Bianca used the word “bitch” 10 times in one paragraph and still used correct grammar!

Things that were not so good

• Stop telling me you are a nerd, Victoria, and start acting like one!
• Miss J’s mini-afro wig was distracting and ugly. Does he really want to dethrone Tyra from her “Worst Dressed Judge” title?
• While this cycle is shaping up to e the best in a long time, there are still too many girls and too many personalities to develop any story lines beyond “Heather is weird” and “Bianca is psycho.” Lisa, the ex-stripper didn’t even talk this time!
• I thought this was make-over week and spent the entire episode disappointed.
• Editorial does not mean weird. It never meant weird. Why does it mean weird now? Did Tyra change the definition of editorial? I bet Anna Wintour is pissed.

In Five Words
These Bitches Better Watch It!

Be Sociable, Share!

•