Taking care not to mention Ron Paul at all this week, it’s digg! Digg.com! Let’s see what’s in the internet news this week.

What Digg Dugg Most

The Ten Best Alternate Earths Ever

With the recent discovery of a “Second Earth” Found 20 light years away (#1 Digg: 6929) one question is on the minds of scientists and engineers everywhere: how do the people of this alternate earth drive with their feet? And, for that matter, how do their cars run at all with square wheels? And what are the socio-economic implications of living in a world where hamburgers eat people?

Alternate worlds have long existed in the realm of science fiction and fantasy. Almost exactly like ours, these words are made all the more ominous because they take the familiar, keep it familiar, but give it an odd sheen. Like maybe everything is the same, except that your wife is another woman completely. Or you feel the same, but instead of being a rich crusty executive, you’re now a loved family man bursting with the spirit of Christmas. Or maybe everyone is now an ape. Whatever the case may be, alternate worlds are some weird-ass shit. As a tribute to this week’s most-dugg story, let’s take a look at the top 10 alternate worlds.

#10: The Earth Where Britain Won The Revolutionary War, Sliders

There’s just something so charming about a world where Britain still controls America and thus there is no freedom and the Brits are still all about collecting taxes like crazy. It’s based on ideas so innocent and playful and filled with child-like wonder that this world totally deserves a spot on this list. Plus it comes from that period where Sliders was totally awesome and not filled with strange new characters and aliens.

#9: The Alternate World to Hyrule, Termina, The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

Or, to put it another way, The Earth Where The Moon Is About To Crash Into the Earth. My perspective of this is probably coloured by only seeing it through Link’s eyes, as a guy from another world where the moon was not at all threatening, but there was still something so fantastic about talking to people who were totally prepared to be crushed by a planetary body.

#8: The Alternate Earth Where Lana Lang is Dead, Smallville

How great was this? She was dead! And Jonathan Kent was still alive! Everything was perfect. And then you had to go and ruin it, Clark

#7: The Alternate World Where Superman Is Happy and Lives on Krypton With His Family and Robots, Superman: For the Man Who Has Everything

God dammit, Clark, quit ruining great premises!

#6: The Alternate Earth Where Dan Was Not Dead For the Whole Series and Jackie Was Not A Lesbian, Roseanne

Man, what a downer this was. I mean, sure, that last season sucked, but to reveal that not only was it just an extended fantasy sequence, but in fact most of the series itself was, as the Roseanne character tried to write a story that was better than the dismal life she had in reality led was kind of a kick in the junk.

#5: The Alternate Earth Where The Berlin Wall Falls Due to a Raucous Song Performed by Alvin and the Chipmunks, Alvin and the Chipmunks

Sure, a few years after this episode, the Berlin Wall actually did come down, but it was nowhere near as cool. And the music they played during the tear down probably played a much lesser role. Also, no rodents.

#4: The Alternate Universe Where Everything is Mirrored, Star Trek

Nothing has been cooler in concept than the mirror universe, has it? It’s so simple and perfect. Everything good on one earth is evil on the other! And the evil characters have facial hair!

#3: The Alternate Earth Where the Nazis Won World War II, Many DC Universe Comics

Now, I am no fan of the Nazis, of course. In fact, I am probably one of their biggest detractors. But this was still a cool alternate earth. Mostly because the resistance to the Nazis was led by Uncle Sam and a ragtag team called “The Freedom Fighters.”

#2: The Alternate Earth Where Humans Evolved From Reptiles and Also Everything Was Like The Mario Games Sort Of, Super Mario Brothers: The Movie

Sure, it was terrible, and had almost nothing to do with the actual Mario games themselves, and Bob Hoskins has about as much in common with Mario as, well, Dennis Hopper does with Bowser, the King of Koopas, but there was something charming about the way they tried to make the whole fat-mustachioed-plumber-fights-talking-dinosaur thing seem somewhat plausible, wasn’t it? I bet if humans had evolved from reptiles instead of mammals our lives would not be entirely dissimilar to what was portrayed in this film. And I bet science would back me up on that.

#1: The Alternate Earth Where Everything is Bizzaro, Superman Comics

Perhaps the only alternate earth to have inspired its own Seinfeld episode, this earth was just fucking cool. People on this earth were so alternate that they speak in broken english! And they have a bizzaro superman who is crazy as hell! And their earth is shaped like a cube for some reason! The possibilities are endless, a fact hammered home by the recent Grant Morrison-penned All Star Superman issue wherein there exists a Bizzaro Bizzaro character on the Bizzaro Earth who is, in fact, quite normal. That is some crazy ass shit.

The Runners Up

He’d be better suited to Doom 2099

Look, it’s Digg.com founder Kevin Rose in a Captain America comic! (#2 Digg: 6043). Sure, it’s an alternate-world Captain America comic — it is not, however, one of the top ten alternate worlds, by any means — written by the guy who wrote Rambo: First Blood — that’s why — but it’s still a pretty huge honour. Look for Al Gore, having won the Nobel Prize, an Oscar, and an Emmy, to put his sights on appearing in a Captain America comic next.

Why Complaining and Attempting to Justify Your Piracy is Worse than Just Fucking Pirating Stuff

Taking ourselves away from alternate worlds for a second, Why Commercials Before Movies Is Worse Than Piracy (#6 Digg: 4797) is probably the most ridiculous political argument I’ve read on digg.com since someone, last week, claimed that it was impossible to support Radiohead’s pay-what-you-can release of In Rainbows while simultaneously thinking Ron Paul is a crazy person. I can’t wait to see what sort of crazy view the digg.com community holds up next.

And, lastly, an Alternate Reality Where Everyone is German and Vampires Exist

(#8 Digg: 4620)

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