So Erin and I, because we’re totally cool, spent last night watching the classic Michael Bay Classic Armageddon. I used ‘classic’ twice in that last sentence because the film is truly ‘classic’ in two ways. First, it is capital-C Classic, as proven both by its inclusion into the Criterion Collection and also by the fact that here we are, ten years later, and I’m still writing about Armageddon. Second, it’s ‘classic’ in that utterly classy way, in that this is the sort of film that is, I would argue, unabashedly perfect. So perfect, in fact, that it captured one of the most hard-to-capture eras of my generation. Like it or not, Armageddon is a definitive film. And there is no stronger evidence to the fact that there have been quite literally dozens of films that tried to work the exact same formula (both before and after Michael Bay’s opus) and none of them have achieved anywhere near the same degree of notoriety or space in the collective pop culture pantheon.

No matter what they throw at us — whether it be tornados or volcanos or giant monsters or a boat turned upside down — nothing has ever had a greater impact than this asteroid that was, and I quote, “the size of texas.”

All that said, of course, it’s a really bad film.

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So I bought an HDTV about two weeks ago. It was far less complicated than you might think. I didn’t spend a lot of time exhaustively examining specs, I didn’t hold out for some sort of mythical 1080p mode and I certainly didn’t even come close to understanding what people mean when they talk about televisions with “geometry problems.” (Because I had geometry problems once. And unless the answer involved the pythagorean theorem I was generally just confused.)

The internet is filled with articles like George Ou’s recent Don’t buy an HDTV without reading this first. They generally make the whole high definition television process out to be about as complicated as pulling off a bank heist. Ou writes:

One of the more interesting developments is the availability of the newest 120 Hz LCD HDTVs that offer frame interpolation. This means that 24-frame-per-second cinema sources can be cleanly multiplied by 5, and NTSC video sources with 30 frames per second can be cleanly multiplied by 4. The interpolation actually means that the display will create three or four additional frames in between each frame to fill in the gaps with an image that’s somewhere between the original frames.

That might be “interesting” in the same sense that knowing the name and characteristics of all the pre-crisis DC earths is “interesting.” Which is to say, it’s only “interesting” if you have “a lot of time on your hands.” For everyone else, it’s just “confusing”, and makes the tendency to just stick with the 21″ Magnavox with the wood paneling and the dial-that-goes-up-to-13 all the more prominent.

The truth is that people today rarely have a lot of time on their hands, and their passion for technical specifications is more than rivaled for their passion for day-to-day events like eating and walking around. The HDTV market is in a weird state right now, because it’s clearly ready for the masses — people want those sleek-looking flatscreens they see hanging off walls in movies –, but most of the advertising surrounding new units is so geared toward early adopters with gadget lust that it’s creating a ridiculous barrier to the average user. If I’m a person that just wants a nicer TV than my current 10-year-old box — and two weeks ago, I was — I’m forced to wade through countless product pages giving me information that does just about everything but tell me what I really want to know: if the set is reliable, and if the picture is going to look good.

I’m here today to tell you that specs are (mostly) meaningless in getting you to those two truths. There are only a few things you need to know before buying an HDTV, and none of them involve the words ‘dot-pitch.’ Instead, they’re simple, concise, and should be easy enough to remember, provided you haven’t become so obsessed with comparing contrast ratios that you’re unable to see anything beyond what the black level on your LCD might be. If that sounds like you, you’re lost, and you should just give up and read more books. If it doesn’t, though, read on — this could save your life.

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So this post somehow managed to get to the front page of digg last Thursday, which cements once and for all that my true talent is writing quick, pithy and overtly sexualized comments about video games. I’ve tried to fight it, but the writing was on the wall years ago — I’m at my best when I’m making thinly veiled references to Yoshi’s penis.

Getting dugg was quite an experience, and I definitely didn’t come out of it empty-handed. I learned a lot about the internet, writing, creativity and myself. Presented here are the five most significant lessons getting dugg has taught me. It is my hope that you will take these and find an application for them in your own life. My ultimate goal is to be a great inspiration to all of you.

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This is just a quick post to let you know BE Something will be on hiatus until February 18th. We promise to return then, with recaps of all the shows we missed, your favorite features and more!

Oh wow, did things ever happen this week! An astronaut went crazy! Anna Nicole Smith died! Phyllis got married! I momentarily broke this site to the point of no return! But really, if I tell you everything now, you will have nothing to read below the cut.

Here are some of my favorite things from this week:

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