Michael Moore’s feature-length documentary films are synonymous with one thing: lies. Before Moore started making films, documentaries were always 100% factual. Except for maybe Triumph of the Will, of course. That one took some liberties. But regardless, one of the things the internet has proven itself good at — in addition to pornography and pictures of cats with writing on top of them — is debunking the ‘truth’ in Michael Moore’s movies.
As I recently saw an advanced screening of Michael Moore’s latest, Sicko, which purports to be an ‘attack’ on the American health insurance and health care system, I thought I would take the opportunity to take a first crack at revealing the lies, untruths, mistruths, fibs, omissions and biasedness inherent to this vaguely cinematic work.
Things get positively godly this week as Evan Almighty debuts and promptly bombs, proving once and for all that Americans only like their religion when it’s wacky and involves Jennifer Aniston’s boobs. Other big stories this week include the relative success of 1408 — likely because people thought it was some sort of sequel to 300, which itself was a sequel to Seven — and the abject failure of the Angelina Jolie movie A Mighty Heart, likely because people thought it was some sort of sequel to A Mighty Wind.
The numbers herein are credit the schmovies.com box office report, and not the movies.com box office report. The schmovies.com site is currently experiencing network difficulties.
The box office results for the weekend of June 15 to 17 were all about love and hate. Love, because America once again showed its love for a group of four superhero science adventurers who love nothing less than puns. And hate, because, well, apparently America hates teen girl detectives. And why shouldn’t they? Skank ass bitches are always trying to break up the honest man’s moonshining business.
All the numbers below were generated at random using an entirely different random number algorithm than the one employed by the movies.com box office report
Another week, another weekend. It’s funny how they keep operating in tandem like that. This week: the illogical Ocean’s Thirteen debuts in the top spot, followed by a broken and beaten Pirates. Knocked Up continues to hold strong, while debuts Surf’s Up and Hostel: Part II might finally prove that America is sick of both penguins and torture porn, respectively.
All numbers found on a street corner somewhere, nowhere near where the movies.com box office report hangs out.
Oh man. Was I ever bad at predicting the MTV movie awards. I think I only managed to guess “Best Kiss” and “Best Comedic Performance.” Apparently the Oscars, in addition to containing less hilarity per square inch, are also far more predictable.
In any case, let’s keep the movie train going, with a discussion of this week’s box office contenders. As always, these numbers are not taken from the movies.com box office report. To claim otherwise would just be silly.